Before the Ring: A Christ-Centred Workbook for Couples
Talk about money, family and faith before you say yes
A self-paced workbook for Christian couples who are thinking about engagement or already engaged. You each answer on your own, then talk it through together, with Scripture, prayer and psychology side by side. You can use it alongside any marriage preparation your church offers.
Created by Victoria Dada, a Christian psychotherapist known online as The Faith Therapist.
The conversations that are easy to put off
Maybe your parents have strong views on how your marriage should look. Maybe one of you supports family financially, or expects your in-laws to have a say. You can love each other deeply and still never have talked properly about money, children or what happens when you argue. You each grew up in a home that taught you what marriage means, what men and women should do and how money works. If you grew up between two cultures, those lessons don't always agree. You'll want to carry some of it into your marriage, and leave some of it behind.
Unspoken expectations often become future disappointments. This workbook helps you say them out loud, while there's still time to talk them through.
Already doing marriage preparation
at church?
Before the Ring works alongside it. You each answer on your own first, at home, so you can be honest about the things that can feel hard to say in a group or in front of someone else: debt, sex, family pressure and what you each expect. Then you talk it through together, so you go into your church classes already having had the conversations that matter most.
I'm a psychotherapist with an MSc in Integrative Psychotherapy and over 10 years of experience supporting individuals, couples and faith communities. I'm Nigerian-born and a Christian, and I work online as The Faith Therapist, offering individual, Christian and couples therapy. I created Before the Ring so couples can start these conversations at home, in their own time.
As a Nigerian-born Christian, I understand the cultural and faith-based expectations couples can bring into marriage, from their families and from church. I believe faith and psychology work best together, and that the patterns we grew up with don't have to define the marriage we build. Healing begins when we recognise our patterns with compassion rather than shame, and I wanted to give couples a faith-rooted place to start.
I've been a guest on Flipside Radio, the Naked Love Podcast, UKCP, Banter and Belief Podcast, Unlimited Talks Podcast and The Restoration Podcast.
HI, I'M VICTORIA
How the workbook works
Before the Ring is a 14-section workbook you complete at home, in your own time. It covers everything from your family background and money story to faith, intimacy and conflict.
Buy the workbook
You'll get an email with your workbook and instructions for making a copy each.
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2
Answer on your own
Each of you fills in your own copy, without looking at the other's answers.
Pause and discuss
When you've both finished a section, sit down together and share what you wrote.
3
Close with the Restoration Principle
Every section ends with a Christ-centred truth to carry into your marriage, a key scripture and a prayer to pray together.
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Bring it all together
You'll finish by writing your own marriage mission statement and a 90-day plan, and naming your strengths and the areas you want to grow in.
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You can go at your own pace, one section at a time.
What's inside
Relationship snapshot
Family of origin
Where you are right now with trust, communication, emotional safety, faith and teamwork
What your families taught you about conflict, affection, marriage and money
Attachment and emotional safety
Emotional regulation
How you each connect, trust and ask for comfort
Your triggers, and how you each respond under stress
How you each connect, trust and ask for comfort
Expectations
Roles and responsibilities
Children, careers, church, in-laws, housework, holidays and where you'll live
Who you each imagine doing what, from finances to spiritual leadership
Money story
Sex and intimacy
Your money beliefs, debt, saving, giving and supporting family
Expectations, boundaries and emotional intimacy
Faith and spiritual life
Commitment
Prayer, church, ministry and how you want Christ to shape your home
Your hopes and fears about lifelong covenant
Conflict and repair
Values and shared vision
Your conflict styles, and how you apologise, forgive and find your way back to each other
What matters most to you both, and the life you want to build
Marriage mission statement
90-day plan
A paragraph you write together about the marriage you want
Three habits and three goals to start now
Each section has rating scales, checkbox questions and sentence starters to make the harder conversations easier to begin.
A look inside:
Section 2, Family of Origin
Your copy saves to your own Google account, so your answers stay private unless you choose to share them.
Faith-rooted, not faith-forced
This workbook brings together what I know as a psychotherapist and what I believe as a Christian. You'll find questions about attachment, family patterns and conflict alongside Scripture and prayer, all the way through.
Every section closes with a Restoration Principle, like this one:
Healthy marriages aren't built by perfect people but by two people who continually choose love, humility and growth under the Lordship of Christ.
If you're at different places in your faith right now, there's room to talk about that openly and without pressure.
Is this workbook for you?
Before the Ring is for you if:
✔️ you're a Christian couple who are serious about each other, whether you're thinking about engagement or already engaged
✔️ you want to talk about money, family, intimacy and conflict before they become problems
✔️ you'd like faith and psychology together, in a workbook you can complete at home in your own time
It isn't the right place to start if you feel unsafe in your relationship. If that's where you are, please reach out for professional support first.
Get your workbook
£15
for both of you
✔️ All 14 sections, plus a section to bring it all together
✔️ A Restoration Principle, key scripture or couple prayer for every section
✔️ Your own marriage mission statement and 90-day plan
✔️A Google Doc you can each fill in on your laptop, tablet or phone, or print out