Before We Say Yes: Pre-Engagement Intensive
Talk through money, family and conflict before you marry, with a Christian psychotherapist who understands where you come from
A 4-hour online intensive with me, Victoria, for Christian couples who are thinking about engagement or already engaged. Afterwards, you'll take home a 90-Day Conversation Guide with six conversations to have together, ending with a 30-minute check-in you do as a couple.
£480 per couple, or two payments of £240
Psychotherapist with an MSc in Integrative Psychotherapy and over 10 years supporting individuals, couples and faith communities. Guest on Flipside Radio, the Naked Love Podcast, UKCP, Unlimited Talks Podcast, Banter and Belief Podcast and The Restoration Podcast.
The conversations you keep meaning to have
You love each other and you're serious about a future together. Still, some conversations keep getting put off. How you'll handle money when family asks for help. What your parents expect your marriage to look like. What happens when you argue, and what you each believe about sex, children and church.
If you grew up between two cultures, you may be carrying two sets of expectations about marriage. Your parents may expect a say in your decisions, or expect you to keep supporting them financially, while the two of you are still working out what you want.
Some of these conversations are hard to have on your own, especially the ones you've started before and couldn't finish. In the intensive, you'll have them with me there to guide you.
You'll learn how to listen to each other, understand where your patterns come from and make a plan for the marriage you want to build.
Already doing marriage preparation
at church?
The intensive works alongside it. What I add is a private space with a qualified psychotherapist, where you can say the things that are hard to say in a group: debt, sex, what your parents expect and how you each react under pressure.
I'm Nigerian-born and a Christian, so I understand the cultural and faith expectations families can bring into a marriage. You won't have to explain why saying no to family feels complicated.
What happens in the intensive
We'll spend four hours together on Zoom, on one day. The intensive follows four pillars, and each one has its own section in your couple handout, a guided workbook made for this intensive.
Know yourself
Your family story, how you connect when you're close to someone, and what happens when you feel under pressure
1
2
Know your partner
A partner interview and a listening practice, so you each feel heard and understood
Build your relationship
Naming your conflict cycle, writing your own repair plan, and talking through money, intimacy and the assumptions you haven't said out loud yet
3
Build your future
Your values, the spiritual rhythms you want to build, and the boundaries that protect you, including with family
4
Some questions you'll answer on your own first, and some you'll talk through together. Every pillar closes with a Biblical Reflection and a Restoration Principle, and we'll finish with a couple declaration and a prayer.
You'll leave with your Marriage Blueprint
✔️ one practice to protect your connection
✔️ one spiritual rhythm to establish
✔️ one way to honour your families while putting your marriage first
✔️ one boundary to keep talking about
✔️ one shared goal
A one-page plan for your first steps:
What you'll take home
£480
per couple
✔️ A 4-hour online intensive with me, on one day, on Zoom.
✔️ Your couple handout. You'll name your conflict cycle, write your own repair plan, talk through money and family boundaries, and finish with your Marriage Blueprint.
✔️ The 90-Day Conversation Guide. Six conversations to have at home, one every two weeks: your emotional triggers, money, intimacy, family and boundaries, faith and church, and your marriage vision. Each one comes with Scripture, a psychology insight, questions to talk through and a prayer.
✔️ A 30-minute Restoration Check-In you do together at the end of the 90 days, using a simple green, amber and red review of what's working and what needs more attention.
Is the intensive for you?
Before We Say Yes is for you if:
✔️ you're a Christian couple who are serious about each other, whether you're thinking about engagement or already engaged
✔️ you want to talk about money, family, intimacy and conflict with a therapist who shares your faith and understands family and cultural expectations
✔️ you're carrying expectations from your families, your church or two different cultures, and want to decide together what you'll keep
✔️ you want one focused day of support, then a clear plan to keep the conversations going at home
If one of you is at a different place in your faith right now, you're welcome too. You can each be honest about where you are, without pressure.
If you'd like ongoing support week by week, my couples therapy may suit you better.
The intensive isn't the right place to start if you feel unsafe in your relationship. If that's where you are, please reach out for professional support first.
I'm a psychotherapist with an MSc in Integrative Psychotherapy and over 10 years of experience supporting individuals, couples and faith communities. I'm Nigerian-born and a Christian, and I work online as The Faith Therapist, offering individual, Christian and couples therapy.
As a Nigerian-born Christian, I understand the cultural and faith-based expectations couples can bring into marriage, from their families and from church. I believe faith and psychology work best together, and that the patterns we grew up with don't have to define the marriage we build.
My approach is faith-rooted, not faith-forced. In the intensive, you'll find Scripture and prayer alongside the psychology all the way through.